Divorce Myths vs. Facts: What You Need to Know
Divorce Myths vs. Facts: What You Need to Know
By Attorney Laura Terry Powell
As an experienced family law attorney and mediator, I’ve had countless conversations with individuals navigating the difficult path of divorce. One thing I’ve noticed time and again is how much misinformation surrounds this process. Divorce is an emotional and life-altering event, and myths about it only add to the stress and confusion.
Today, I want to address some of the most common myths about divorce and set the record straight. My goal is to provide you with clarity and reassurance, so you can make informed decisions for yourself and your family.
Myth #1: Divorce Means Going to Court
The Myth:
Many people assume that filing for divorce automatically means long, drawn-out courtroom battles. They picture heated arguments, stern judges, and a winner-takes-all scenario.
The Fact:
Most divorces never go to trial. In fact, many couples resolve their differences through negotiation, mediation, or collaborative divorce processes.
Mediation, in particular, is an excellent alternative to traditional litigation. It’s a confidential process where a neutral third party (like me, as a licensed mediator) helps both spouses reach mutually agreeable terms. Mediation is often faster, less expensive, and less adversarial than going to court.
Choosing mediation doesn’t just save time and money—it also reduces stress. It allows you to maintain more control over the outcome and keeps sensitive family matters private.
Myth #2: The Mother Always Gets Custody
The Myth:
There’s a longstanding belief that courts favor mothers when determining child custody, leaving fathers at a disadvantage.
The Fact:
In modern family law, courts prioritize the best interests of the child above all else. This doesn’t mean automatically awarding custody to one parent based on gender.
Judges consider various factors when determining custody arrangements, such as:
Each parent’s relationship with the child.
The child’s needs (emotional, physical, and educational).
The ability of each parent to provide a stable environment.
In many cases, courts aim for joint custody arrangements, recognizing the value of both parents’ involvement in the child’s life. If you’re concerned about custody, focus on demonstrating your commitment to your child’s well-being rather than worrying about outdated stereotypes.
Myth #3: Divorce Is Always Expensive
The Myth:
Divorce will drain your savings, leaving you financially ruined for years to come.
The Fact:
While divorce can be costly, the total expense depends on how you approach the process. A contested divorce—where both parties can’t agree and require extensive legal intervention—can indeed be expensive. However, amicable divorces and alternative dispute resolution methods, such as mediation, are much more affordable.
When clients come to me, I emphasize the importance of focusing on compromise and open communication. By working together to resolve issues like asset division, child custody, and support arrangements, you can significantly reduce costs.
Additionally, understanding your financial situation early on—creating budgets, gathering documentation, and consulting with professionals—can help you avoid unnecessary expenses.
Myth #4: Assets Are Always Split 50/50
The Myth:
Divorce means splitting everything equally, right down to the last penny.
The Fact:
The division of assets during a divorce isn’t always a simple 50/50 split. Instead, it’s based on what’s considered equitable distribution in most states (including Alabama).
Equitable doesn’t always mean equal—it means fair. Courts look at several factors when dividing assets, including:
The length of the marriage.
Each spouse’s contributions (both financial and non-financial) to the marriage.
Each spouse’s financial needs and earning potential.
For example, if one spouse sacrificed their career to support the other or stay home with the children, that contribution is taken into account when dividing property.
This is an area where having an experienced attorney is crucial. I work closely with my clients to ensure their contributions are recognized and their financial future is protected.
Myth #5: You Have to Prove Fault to Get a Divorce
The Myth:
Some people believe you can only get a divorce if you can prove wrongdoing, such as infidelity or abuse.
The Fact:
While fault-based divorces are an option in some cases, most divorces are granted on a no-fault basis. In a no-fault divorce, neither spouse has to prove the other did something wrong to cause the marriage to end.
In Alabama, for example, you can file for a no-fault divorce by citing “incompatibility” or “irretrievable breakdown of the marriage.” This approach reduces conflict and allows couples to focus on moving forward rather than rehashing past grievances.
Myth #6: Divorce Will Irreparably Harm the Children
The Myth:
Divorce will inevitably cause lasting emotional damage to your children.
The Fact:
While divorce is undoubtedly a significant change for children, it doesn’t have to harm them irreparably. The key is how parents handle the process and support their children through it.
Children thrive when they feel loved, secure, and supported. Open communication, consistency, and reassurance can help them navigate the transition.
Co-parenting effectively is also critical. When parents work together to create a stable, cooperative environment, children adjust more easily. And remember, kids are resilient. With the right approach, they can emerge from the experience stronger and more adaptable.
Myth #7: You Can Handle Divorce Without Legal Help
The Myth:
Divorce is just paperwork; you don’t need an attorney.
The Fact:
While it’s true that some divorces are straightforward, many involve complex legal, financial, and emotional issues. Without proper legal guidance, you risk overlooking critical details that could affect your future.
As an attorney, my job is to advocate for your best interests and ensure that all aspects of your divorce—custody, support, asset division, and more—are handled correctly. Even if your divorce seems amicable, having an experienced professional on your side can provide peace of mind and prevent costly mistakes.
Myth #8: Once the Divorce Is Final, It’s Over
The Myth:
After the final judgment, you’ll never have to deal with your ex again.
The Fact:
For couples with children or shared obligations, the divorce decree is just the beginning of a new chapter. Co-parenting, enforcing support orders, and adapting to life post-divorce require ongoing effort and cooperation.
Life changes—children grow, financial situations evolve, and new challenges arise. It’s important to revisit agreements when necessary and ensure they continue to serve your family’s needs.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is a deeply personal journey, and every case is unique. Unfortunately, the myths surrounding divorce can create unnecessary fear and uncertainty. By understanding the facts and seeking professional guidance, you can navigate this process with confidence and clarity.
As an attorney and mediator, my mission is to empower my clients to approach divorce with compassion, knowledge, and a focus on their future. If you have questions about your situation or need support, I’m here to help. Together, we can turn what feels like an ending into a new beginning.
Let’s talk. Reach out to my office today to schedule a consultation.
